When Dedma is Dead

Dedma -- Number 7 in a series of articles about Tagalog Words and everything Tagalog by Evelyn Miranda Feliciano, a best-selling author of books on Filipino culture and family life. Mrs Evelyn Miranda Feliciano is also a Wordhouse Consultant in Ilonggo.

So, I take a closer look of the word: dedma sounds murderous to me. It seems to be guilty of matricide. It appears like wishing one’s mother dead. Is it?I ask Carmen, my manicurist, who exhales a long sigh, “It means "Wala lang" (Like nothing). “What do you mean wala lang?” I asked her. “Well, my mother-in-law was into her pagtatalak (nagging) this morning. Dinedma ko siya (I treated her as if I didn’t hear her at all), and she stopped. I’m used to her ranting. I don’t mind her anymore.” "But hasn’t it anything to do with killing your mother?" I am still concerned, looking at my son, this time. “With ma, there may be something there, but not killing her,” he explains. “You know the gay lingo has a way of inverting words and providing connotations to keep them secret among themselves. It could very well be being dead to the constant nagging of mothers so you are dead to them. Kaya dedma.”

“Ah,” now I am relieved. To be dedma is to put up a stiff upper lip by ignoring another person or a situation. “Matrapik masyado, pero dinedma ko na lang, (the traffic was too much, I just did not mind it), what’s the point of getting mad?” Violy, my friend tells me doing a kibit-balikat (shoulder shrug) to dismiss the experience as nothing.

Used this way, to be dedma looks like a healthy defense mechanism to keep one’s sanity in this insane-prone society. It is a shield to keep ourselves whole and functioning despite the long pila for rice, the floods and typhoons, the political circus and bloodbath in Mindanao. To be dedma keeps many of us going.

But it could also mean shamelessness. A fresh supply of goods arrive in a refugee camp and hungry people scramble up the truck to grab whatever they can take hold of for their family, elbowing and kicking others. “Dedmahan na lang kami, Ate, my children haven’t eaten for a day already,” Joe looked at me with eyes begging to be understood. Well, I remember the times when fellow passengers and I would elbow against each other, (to my shame) too, just to get a breathing space in a sardine-packed like last bus to get home from Manila. Dedmahan was not coined then, but it was it. Celebrities get continuous news coverage when they dedma each other especially in public places. This time dedma takes on the patina of snottishness. Snubbing to put one over another especially when a third party is involved creates a buzz in the glitzy, gossipy celluloid world. The dedma should be done art-ily to get the attention of the camera, of course. One could simply make a slight blank irap that says one notices but doesn’t care, or a buss with one’s cheeks one foot away done woodenly, a flick of a finger that says, “So what if you’re here” or a far away dreamy look that goes through the object of the dedma.

We may ignore, we may become callous and insensitive, we may snub others for whatever reasons, but we cannot dedma God. Simply because, however we run away from him, overlook him, pretend we do not care for him, he is always there calling to us in love. The Lord Jesus invites, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:28-31).In Christ, dedma is dead. evelynmfeliciano21aug08

Don't dedma the Pila-pila happening in the street corners